Mark called to let me know that he had went to work for a couple of hours and that they would be up here around 10:00am to pick mom & I up. Danielle didn't go to school after all poor baby was just too tired after the night we had. Mark said neither one of that had gotten much sleep, totally understand that one as mom nor I slept last night either. I guess somewhere during the night I dozed off once cause I woke to my mom telling the nurse that dad & I were snoring in stereo. Don't remember falling asleep if I did it must have been brief, Laying on that heater all night has just about done by back and legs in. I know mom didn’t sleep a wink, every time I checked on her she was still awake watching over dad.
The nurse came an again to check dad a little bit ago. He is still having a tough time remembering things, but he was able to make a complete smile without any droop to his mouth or drool. His right arm and leg don’t have much feeling to them yet. My mom looks so sad and tired. He still has to be monitored every 30 minutes until midnight, it takes 24 hours for the clot busting medication they gave him on Thursday to work its way out of his system. The hospital neurologist, Dr. Lee, is supposed to come in before too long to talk to mom. I’m sure praying that his prognosis is good. This is just tearing my mom apart, I’m as worried about her as I am him. If something happens to my dad I don’t know what will happen to my mom. She loves him so much, they are the best of friends. This is just heart breaking to watch. I can honestly say that Dennis makes my mom happier than I’ve ever seen her.
I’m hoping that when we get her home she can at least get a little sleep, she is going to need it. She is going to need all the strength she can get right now to get through whatever happens with dad. I just want to go home and surround myself with my family and our little fir kids. I am just emotionally and physically drained. I hate hospitals and I hate strokes more than anything in the world.
The neurologist finally came into talk to mom. He seems to think that dad can do a complete recovery over time. They are going to take dad down at midnight to do some tests on him. They want to do an MRI and an echocardiogram to see what kind of damage the stroke did to dad’s brain and if the clot came from his heart or not.
I have never been so happy to see my husband and our daughter as I was when they pulled up in front of the hospital. I shouldn’t have but while waiting for them to show up I yelled at my mom and walked out of the hospital briefly. She was getting upset because Mark wasn’t there to pick us up when she wanted him to be. I told her to give him an f*ing break that he had to go to work for a while that there was too much going on at Hoquiam Plywood for him to take any time off. I know she was just tired and worried about her husband, but damn I thought show just a touch of gratitude towards my husband. He is here helping her/us when no one else was. He was doing the best he could and to back off of him. I shouldn’t have snapped at her it’s not her fault. I just feel so bad for my mom, she looks frail and tired. She has the load of the world on her shoulders yet once again and I can see it weighing her down. I pray to God to help give my mom the strength she needs to get through this, to give me the strength to be strong for her and to help her all I could.
After we got home Mark, Danielle and I talked for a while in the living room about dad, Danielle is very worried about him, he is the only grandpa she has ever known & they have always been close. Danielle decided to go up and try to take a nap for a while and I just cried on my husband for the longest time. He was very sweet, he just held me and kept telling me everything would be alright. I wasn’t convinced at all. I’m remembering another time in mine and my mom’s life. The time of another stroke patient, my mom’s late husband David. I’m remembering what his stroke did to him and what he did to my mom. My mom and I took care of that man for years after his stroke. Mom dealt with it for 7-1/2 years, me not as long. He turned mean and extremely violent He would say horrible things to my mom and hit her constantly. He was also incontinent and would poop all over the place and peed the bed nightly. I had never been a fan of David’s even before the stroke; I came to hate that man with every fiber of my being after his stroke. I remember one time he was sitting on the toilet and started cussing at my mom and hitting her. I pulled out a loaded shotgun and aimed it right at him where he sat. If it had not been for mom jumping in between me and him I would have killed him. & I’m sorry if this sounds terrible, but I would not have felt bad about doing it. Not after the years of abuse he had put my mom through and all she had ever done was try to take care of him.
That is why my prayer always included Please Lord don’t do this to Dennis, please don’t do to him what you did before, please don’t put my mom through this again. I know what that time did to my mom and I knew she couldn’t go through that again. I told Mark I’ll lose my mom if that happens to Dennis. I love my husband, but unless you have been through what my mom and I had previously gone through he just couldn’t understand my fears and how I felt. I couldn’t handle the idea that the same thing could happen to dad. I couldn’t’’ believe God would be so cruel as to do this to Dennis and make my mom go through it all over again. I started to get mad at God for what he was doing to my parents. But I stopped myself, I told the devil to leave me alone and I began to pray. I prayed to God to help me block the devil’s words, to give me the strength to be strong for my mom because she was going to need me. I have found myself repeating that prayer a few times since this began. Feeling the devil trying to put thoughts of anger and resentment in my mind towards God. I refuse to let him, I can feel God’s arms around me, holding me up and helping me through this, I will not let the devil come between that. Not ever..
No comments:
Post a Comment