Friday, January 6th, 2012 8:28am

Mark called to let me know that he had went to work for a couple of hours and that they would be up here around 10:00am to pick mom & I up. Danielle didn't go to school after all poor baby was just too tired after the night we had. Mark said neither one of that had gotten much sleep, totally understand that one as mom nor I slept last night either. I guess somewhere during the night I dozed off once cause I woke to my mom telling the nurse that dad & I were snoring in stereo. Don't remember falling asleep if I did it must have been brief, Laying on that heater all night has just about done by back and legs in. I know mom didn’t sleep a wink, every time I checked on her she was still awake watching over dad.

The nurse came an again to check dad a little bit ago. He is still having a tough time remembering things, but he was able to make a complete smile without any droop to his mouth or drool.  His right arm and leg don’t have much feeling to them yet.  My mom looks so sad and tired.  He still has to be monitored every 30 minutes until midnight, it takes 24 hours for the clot busting medication they gave him on Thursday to work its way out of his system.  The hospital neurologist, Dr. Lee, is supposed to come in before too long to talk to mom.  I’m sure praying that his prognosis is good.  This is just tearing my mom apart, I’m as worried about her as I am him.  If something happens to my dad I don’t know what will happen to my mom.  She loves him so much, they are the best of friends.  This is just heart breaking to watch.  I can honestly say that Dennis makes my mom happier than I’ve ever seen her. 

I’m hoping that when we get her home she can at least get a little sleep, she is going to need it. She is going to need all the strength she can get right now to get through whatever happens with dad.  I just want to go home and surround myself with my family and our little fir kids.  I am just emotionally and physically drained.  I hate hospitals and I hate strokes more than anything in the world. 

The neurologist finally came into talk to mom.  He seems to think that dad can do a complete recovery over time.  They are going to take dad down at midnight to do some tests on him.  They want to do an MRI and an echocardiogram to see what kind of damage the stroke did to dad’s brain and if the clot came from his heart or not. 

I have never been so happy to see my husband and our daughter as I was when they pulled up in front of the hospital.  I shouldn’t have but while waiting for them to show up I yelled at my mom and walked out of the hospital briefly.  She was getting upset because Mark wasn’t there to pick us up when she wanted him to be.  I told her to give him an f*ing break that he had to go to work for a while that there was too much going on at Hoquiam Plywood for him to take any time off.  I know she was just tired and worried about her husband, but damn I thought show just a touch of gratitude towards my husband.  He is here helping her/us when no one else was.  He was doing the best he could and to back off of him.  I shouldn’t have snapped at her it’s not her fault.  I just feel so bad for my mom, she looks frail and tired.  She has the load of the world on her shoulders yet once again and I can see it weighing her down.  I pray to God to help give my mom the strength she needs to get through this, to give me the strength to be strong for her and to help her all I could. 

After we got home Mark, Danielle and I talked for a while in the living room about dad, Danielle is very worried about him, he is the only grandpa she has ever known & they have always been close.  Danielle decided to go up and try to take a nap for a while and I just cried on my husband for the longest time.  He was very sweet, he just held me and kept telling me everything would be alright.  I wasn’t convinced at all.  I’m remembering another time in mine and my mom’s life.  The time of another stroke patient, my mom’s late husband David.  I’m remembering what his stroke did to him and what he did to my mom.  My mom and I took care of that man for years after his stroke.  Mom dealt with it for 7-1/2 years, me not as long.  He turned mean and extremely violent  He would say horrible things to my mom and hit her constantly.  He was also incontinent and would poop all over the place and peed the bed nightly.  I had never been a fan of David’s even before the stroke; I came to hate that man with every fiber of my being after his stroke.  I remember one time he was sitting on the toilet and started cussing at my mom and hitting her.  I pulled out a loaded shotgun and aimed it right at him where he sat.  If it had not been for mom jumping in between me and him I would have killed him. & I’m sorry if this sounds terrible, but I would not have felt bad about doing it.  Not after the years of abuse he had put my mom through and all she had ever done was try to take care of him. 

That is why my prayer always included Please Lord don’t do this to Dennis, please don’t do to him what you did before, please don’t put my mom through this again.  I know what that time did to my mom and I knew she couldn’t go through that again.  I told Mark I’ll lose my mom if that happens to Dennis.  I love my husband, but unless you have been through what my mom and I had previously gone through he just couldn’t understand my fears and how I felt.  I couldn’t handle the idea that the same thing could happen to dad.  I couldn’t’’ believe God would be so cruel as to do this to Dennis and make my mom go through it all over again.  I started to get mad at God for what he was doing to my parents.  But I stopped myself, I told the devil to leave me alone and I began to pray.  I prayed to God to help me block the devil’s words, to give me the strength to be strong for my mom because she was going to need me.  I have found myself repeating that prayer a few times since this began.  Feeling the devil trying to put thoughts of anger and resentment in my mind towards God.  I refuse to let him, I can feel God’s arms around me, holding me up and helping me through this, I will not let the devil come between that.  Not ever..

January 5, 2012, 8:34pm - The beginning of it all.

Today started as any other day, Mark (my husband) left for work and Danielle (our youngest daughter) went to school.  My mom (Betty) called me around noon and we talked for quite a while as we always do, my stepdad (Dennis) in the background making comments about our conversation as normal.

It had been a long day at work for my husband so around 8:15pm we started getting ready for bed.  All of a sudden my phone rings and the caller id shows it’s my mom calling.  I answer the phone and on the other end my mom says, “Michelle, Dennis is having a stroke.” I instantly hung up the phone and told Mark what was happening He jumps out of bed and starts getting dressed, I screamed up the stairs to Daniele to get dressed we have got to go.
 

As we all jump in the car Mark starts the drive to my mom’s house to pick her up to take her to the hospital I pick up the phone and call our good friend Mike Hume who is on the prayer chain at our church, First Baptist Church of Montesano.  Mike immediately starts the calls to the members of our prayer chain

 While my husband is quickly, but carefully driving us to my mom’s house, I bow my head in my hands and begin praying. Dear Lord please let my dad be alright, please don’t take him from us, Lord please don’t take his mind from him.  Please don’t put us through this again, (will explain later).  I look up and see the ambulance carrying my dad pass us on the road my heart sank.  I was so afraid my dad could die and all the horrible feelings that went with that flooded to the surface.  The whole time worrying about my mom, my poor mom.  Mark constantly telling me that I have to calm down, not understanding that my mom has been through this before, and not realizing just how bad of memories and the fears this is bringing back to her and myself.  When we pulled up to my mom’s house I jumped out of the car and ran a crossed the road not paying attention to the car behind us, just knowing I had to get to my mom.  Running into my mom’s house I instantly see the panic and fear in her eyes.  I jump in the back seat with my mom and wrap my arms around her constantly reassuring her that dad would be alright, that God wouldn’t do this to us again (again will explain later)  all along not knowing if what I told her was true or not.  I’m not sure if I was trying to reassure her or myself, but it wasn’t working.  Again I bow my head and start praying, I prayed all the way to that hospital I prayed like I have never prayed before.  I could actually feel God with me in that car that night giving me the strength I needed to help my mom. 

 We finally arrive at the emergency room at Grays Harbor Community Hospital.  The check-in nurse instantly took mom back to dad when she told him who she was, but wouldn’t yet let me in.  Mark and Danielle take a seat in the waiting room and I start the frantic pace.  Continually praying the same prayer, Please Lord let him be alright, please Lord don’t put my mom through this again.  Please let dad be alright.  Worried about my mom I go back to the check-in nurse and tell her someone has to stay with my mom, because she isn’t doing well.  Finally after what seemed like forever the charge nurse comes out and tells me that I can go back with my mom.  He tells me that my mom is worried about me and I looked and him and just said, “it’s her that needs to be worried about.”  As I walked into dad’s room he is lying in bed and mom is standing by his side.  The doctor comes in and tells us that yes dad had definitely had a stroke.  The doctor tells us that with where mom caught the stroke as quickly as she did there was a treatment option available to my dad.  They could give dad a clot busting medication that would dissolve the clot and any clots that might remain, but the medication could cause a brain bleed that could kill him.  Mom told them to administer the drug because dad would rather die than to be in a vegetative state.  The nurses come in and start running more IV’s than I could count and start the medication.  The doctor starts telling mom that they are going to take dad to St. Pete’s Hospital in Lacey, WA cause GHCH isn’t set up to handle strokes.  While they are prepping my dad for the ambulance ride to St. Pete’s the hospital Chaplin Dave comes in to be moral support for me and mom.  The ambulance drivers from Hoquiam Fire Department came in and loaded dad u on the gurney and tried to reassure mom and I that they would take good care of dad.  Dad looked so scared when they wheeled him out of the room as did my mom.  Mark and Danielle were in the waiting room when we came out and told them we needed to take mom home and then to St. Pete’s.  We loaded mom in the car and took her by her house so she could take care of her little dogs and the long ride to Lacey began. 

 Praying all the way and trying to reassure mom while trying to stay calm myself.  After what seemed like forever we finally arrive at St. Pete’s Hospital.  We headed up to the neurology department of the hospital and dad was waiting for us in Room 511.  He saw mom walk in the room and instantly reached out his hand to her.  Mom went to his side.

His nurse Cheri came in the room to explain to us what they are going to be doing with dad.  She tells us that they have to wake dad up every 30 minutes for the next 24 hours to make sure he doesn’t have a bleed in his brain from the medication they had administered in Grays Harbor.  It is now past 2am on Friday morning, Mark and Danielle are out in the hall waiting to hear what is happening.  When I come out I tell them what the nurse has said.  I told Mark that I can’t leave my mom alone tonight; she is going to need me, but that him and Danielle should go home and try to get a little sleep if they could.  Mom and I set in for the stay with dad.  Mom stayed in a chair by dad’s side, the hospital brought her in a reclining chair but she still didn’t sleep.  I made a makeshift bed on the baseboard heater under the window, but again I didn’t sleep.  Worrying about my dad and my mom.  Praying the same prayer over and over again, please Lord let him be alright, please Lord don’t put my mom through this again.  Please let dad be alright.  The nurse came in every half an hour like clockwork to ask dad basic questions.  What was my mom’s name, his age, who was the president, what year it was, none of which he could answer correctly.  She would also ask him if he had a head ache, a sign of a brain bleed and she would do a couple strength tests on dad’s right side, he still wasn’t able to move his right side yet or grip with his hand, but his smile was back to normal and he wasn’t drooling anymore.  Danielle called me a little after 3:00am to tell me they had made it home and she was going to try to get some sleep.  She told me she was going to go to school but I told her if she didn’t it was alright.  We said our I love you’s and we hung up the phone.  Glad my daughter and husband were home safe I went back to concentrating on what was happening in the room around me with my dad, my mom and the nurses working diligently on my dad.  But not once stopping my prayer.